


Just To Feel Like You

by 20dollarfobleed



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anorexia, Anxiety, Character romanticizing mental illness/depression, Depression, F/M, Insomnia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Self Harm, Unhealthy Relationships, rantfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:13:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5684869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20dollarfobleed/pseuds/20dollarfobleed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>songfic based off W.A.M.S by Fall Out Boy</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just To Feel Like You

**I'm a young one**  
**Stuck in the thoughts**  
**Of an old one's head**

josh's mom always told him he thought for someone much older than his actual age. he always worried over silly things-

money, what he would be when he grew up, and love.

_such silly things._

**When all the others were just stirring awake**  
**I'm trying to trick myself to fall asleep again**

one thing josh's mom insisted wasn't silly was his mental illness.

josh agreed. 

he'd been through too many nights of tears and aching and not being able to even drift off to sleep until his mom was done making his breakfast in the morning to tell himself that his mental illness wasn't serious.

anxiety, depression, and insomnia.

his three least favorite words.

then he met tyler.

 **My head's in heaven, my soles are in hell**  
**Let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well**

tyler knew josh's pain.

tyler romanticized josh's pain.

josh sometimes dared to say that tyler got off on his pain.

tyler loved josh in the most toxic way-

and josh loved him back, unfortunately.

 **Hurry, hurry**  
**You put my head in such a flurry, flurry**

tyler made josh feel special.

tyler made josh's depression feel beautiful. and loved josh's scars. he said they were poetic.

josh's favorite word; poetic.

it described tyler and now his suffering. his suffering was poetic to tyler.

**Oh freckle, freckle**

**What makes you so special?**  
**What makes you so special?**

tyler made josh happy and special. but tyler only liked josh when he felt like killing himself.

he wanted to help josh and make him better-

he only wanted to date someone who was broken so he could inflate his ego by helping them.

he wanted someone _completely helpless._

 **I'm gonna leave you**  
**I'm gonna teach you**  
**How we're all alone**  
**How we're all alone**

"baby, you're never alone." tyler held josh close one evening. tyler loved the way his shirt felt wet with josh's tears.

"i just want this to all stop, tyler." josh said.

"but why? you're so perfect when you're broken." tyler gently placed kisses along josh's jaw.

josh sniffled. "really?" 

"really. you're so beautiful when you're sad."

**Guild me, build me**

josh didn't want recovery, he wanted tyler's love.

he became anxious whenever he was happy.

**It's your club, so let me in**

"tyler? you love me even when i'm happy right?"

"baby, of course. but i love helping you when you're sad." tyler kissed josh's jaw again, he tended to do that a lot.

**Knowing how heartwarming**

josh giggled.

tyler pulled josh's pants down and rubbed josh's scars.

"so fucking beautiful." tyler whispered. "so poetic."

 _poetic_ , josh thought. his heart warmed.

**It is inside your skin**

_Poetic._

**My head's in heaven, my soles are in hell**  
**Let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well**

josh felt whole when tyler fucked him.

otherwise his depression got a hold of him and made him feel like depression was a bad thing.

but with tyler depression was beautiful.

with tyler depression was his best trait.

and he didn't want to lose the one thing that made tyler love him.

 **Hurry, hurry**  
**You put my head in such a flurry, flurry**

tyler wrote poetry about josh's sadness and how his favorite thing about josh was how he looked when he was down.

his smile was beautiful-

but his tears were gorgeous.

**Oh freckle, freckle**

**What makes you so special?**  
**What makes you so special?**

but then, tyler's mom puts him in a therapy group.

and tyler meets so many new sad people.

most much more sad than josh-

much more better than josh.

 **I'm gonna leave you**  
**I'm gonna teach you**

"josh, we need to talk."

 **How we're all alone**  
**How we're all alone**

a girl named mary with anorexia is better josh who can never sleep.

josh agrees. mary's better than him.

mary's more helpless than him.

more cuts.

this time not for tyler.

this time he doesn't feel beautiful while doing it.

**How we're all alone**

 

 **Hurry, hurry**  
**You put my head in such a flurry, flurry**  
**Oh freckle, freckle**  
**What makes you so special?**  
**What makes you so special?**  
**I'm gonna leave you**  
**I'm gonna teach you**  
**How we're all alone**

 

  
**How we're all alone**

 

josh felt ugly being sad. he wanted to tyler to make him feel beautiful again.

 

 

  
**Mama**   
**If we don't take the medication**   


 

he stopped taking his medication.

 

  
**We won't sleep for days**   
**We won't sleep for days**   


 

josh spent his nights worrying about all there was to worry about.

 

  
**Mama**   
**If we pray to the lord**

  
**Does he sing on a stage?**   
**Does he sing on a stage?**   


 

he started questioning his faith. he thought maybe tyler was an angel, maybe a god. maybe tyler was a test.

 

tyler was definitely an angel, he decided. nothing that beautiful was created by chance.

  
**We waste it all in the back of a long dark car**   
**And I'm a sunshine machine**   


 

he just wanted to be enough for someone as holy as tyler. wanted to shine as bright as the make believe halo josh though he wore on his head.

  
**I want to get stuck**   


 

he only did what he thought he should do to win tyler back.

  
**I want to get stuck**   


 

he knelt in front of the toilet.

  
**And be golden in your memory**   


 

after all, you do attract an angel with sin.

 

right?

 

 

 


End file.
